7 May, 2008

Fighting mad!

This week the Daily Bide is focusing on how we get along with others. Jesus said that how his followers love each other is the best witness to people who do not believe in Jesus. Today’s topic is a hard one.

...Jack Crabtree

These students needed someone praying for them...

It started with four students. They agreed to meet at the bottom of the main stairway for prayer 15 minutes before school every Wednesday morning. In a month it had grown to a dozen students. In three months 30-40 students were there praying together every week. One teacher passing by every week and amazed by what he saw nicknamed the group “The Stairway to Heaven.”

Just as the whole school started to notice how important prayer and faith was to these young Christians, the arguing began. It started with a disagreement about how to pray. The students who started the group prayed quietly not drawing any attention to what they were doing. The people who joined the group later prayed loudly, with hands raised. The whole situation reached a boiling point when some new people joined the group and began praying loudly in tongues and telling others their style of praying was the real way to pray.

The prayer group became a fighting group. They argued about how to pray more than they prayed. Each group of students had a way of praying they thought was right and comfortable for them. They disagreed about how to pray and what type of prayer was appropriate in the hallway of the school. The disagreement became an endless argument. Lots of harsh words and judgmental comments flew back and forth between them.

As the whole school watched they spoke unkindly about each other and questioned the motives of the other praying students. Attempts were made to reconcile the warring parties but the battle lines were drawn and no one was backing down. Finally they became two separate prayer groups. The loud pray-ers started a new prayer group up on the second floor while the quiet pray-ers stayed at the bottom of the stairs. The arguments were replaced by cold stares and silence. In two separate locations both groups decreased in size. By the end of school neither group was meeting for prayer.

photo courtesy images.google.com

Ephesians 4:3

“Stop being mean, bad-tempered and angry. Quarreling, harsh words and dislike of others should have no place in your lives.”

Proverbs 20:3

“Every fool is quick to quarrel.”

Proverbs 29:11

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

What does today’s God’s Story Scripture teach us about arguing and fighting?

Arguments and fights wear us out emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The decline and disappearance of the prayer groups isn’t surprising. The arguing and broken relationships exhausted them. They had no enthusiasm or strength to keep meeting together for prayer. The fighting was like anti-prayer. It killed the desire to meet and pray together like toxic chemicals sprayed on a lush green lawn.

Disagreements are normal for all people including even the best Christians. We see things differently. Our culture and personal experiences teach us different ways to deal with problems. The Bible tells us to resolve our differences with others peacefully with humility and love. Arguing doesn’t resolve the problem. When we argue everyone involved becomes hyper-sensitive to anything said or done and ready to pick another fight. Arguments depress people and damage self esteem. God’s Story from the Bible today specifically warns us not to argue, quarrel or fight with others.

How can we connect my story to God’s Story Scripture?

  • When have you been involved in an argument? What did you say or do that you now regret?
  • What situations exist in your life right now that need to be resolved. What will it take for you to go to the people involved, ask their forgiveness and seek reconciliation and resolution of the problems.
  • Think about regular times in your life when you “blow up” with anger and arguing. What can you do to keep yourself under control when you are in those situations? How can God help you?

How can we connect today’s story and God’s Story and our story to their story?

  • Work on being known as a peacemaker with your friends.
  • Learn to recognize when a disagreement is becoming an argument. Plan what you can say or do to defuse the argument bomb from exploding. Your example of controlling anger will raise positive questions about God’s Story in your life.
  • Demonstrate how to “fight fair” when you have a disagreement with someone.
  • Talk about how your feelings, not the other person’s mistakes.
  • Never talk like you know the motives for why a person says or does anything.
  • Give the other person time to respond without interruption.
  • Together identify what is the real problem.
  • Find out what you agree about and look for a solution together.
  • Be positive toward the person even as you disagree about the problem.
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God's Story is brought to you by Youth for Christ. YFC works with young people on campus and in the community in over one hundred countries around the world so that they might have an opportunity to become a follower of Christ and be a part of a local church.

Our writer, Byron Emmert, has been with YFC for over 30 years and has served as Campus Life Staff, in leadership for DCLA, and as an author and speaker. Byron is available for speaking at youth or adult events and conferences. For booking, write to byron@3Story.org.

Byron and his wife Linda live in Minnesota and their family includes two married sons and daughters-in-law, a grandaughter, and a daughter in college. He loves sports, deep dish pizza, and spending time with his family.